Thursday, April 30, 2020

Review: The Fuckit List by John Niven


 

        Just like Charlie Brooker’s Wipe, John Niven’s books have, for the past few years, been an annual highlight for me, an antidote to the ever-increasing global insanity, that sort of comic relief moment your cracking mind is crying for. In an age where satire has been decried as dead and absurdity reigns as normal, Niven still manages to send it up like a rocket of cranking cackling madness while all other satirists just throw up their hands in defeat. If anything, Niven is probably the only one with a sufficient level of guts and spunk to give it a treatment that is adequate.
In the not very distant future of 2026, Trump has finished his second term of presidency, now safely installed his daughter as his successor, abortion is illegal, gun control is almost non-existent and America is even more grotesque as it already is – and I say that a few days after Bleachgate.

         In all this, Frank, a retired small-town newspaper editor, has just received the grave news that he has terminal cancer. While he is no angel himself, his life has been a series of tragedies and losses: a string of failed marriages, his third wife and son lost in a school shooting, his daughter to a backroom abortion. So Frank, who’s got nothing to lose and plenty of bones to pick, sets out across an America that is even more dystopian (but sadly not unrealistic) than we already know it. In Walter White manner, he manages to evade FBI investigations… but an overzealous sheriff with a personal agenda and crooked methods (who reminds me a bit of a nasty cross of Boss Hogg and Buford T Justice) is hot on his heels.

      True to himself, John Niven doesn’t hold back. He carries the fury, frustration and disbelief of a generation and channels it into a rough justice that is entirely therapeutic. The unsavoury, nay revolting characters Frank dispatches deserve everything they’ve got coming, and his ultimate goal is, denied or not, a fantasy of many.
Hell, I’ve been long past the guilty giggles -  now the belly laughs and triumph he elicits, enriched by a vulnerable  humanity amidst  the brutality and obscenity , are as satisfactory as a Sunday carvery.


Thursday, October 31, 2019

Review: The Reddening - Adam Nevill


I’ve been hankering for Adam Nevill’s latest book ever since I’ve known about its upcoming release. Where his previous novels and short stories have been genuinely creepy enough to somehow and progressively alter my brain chemistry and give me a few greys and plenty of nightmares, The Reddening, aptly hitting the shelves on Halloween 2019, continues to hack into that amygdala-warping notch with fiendish precision.

Adam Nevill doesn’t let up. Having made gorgeous Devon with its rugged coasts and picturesque countryside his home, he is now determined to ruin it for the rest of us. His evocative descriptions of the ancient landscapes are stunning, but they’re none of the Rosamunde Pilcher quaintness. Nevill’s nature is fierce and unforgiving if crossed, more dread- than awe-inspiring. The characters, distracted by their own trauma and lulled by the false security of modernity, follow a trail of mysterious deaths and the suicide of a young man who disappeared after recording some hair-raising sounds in one of Devon’s ancient cliff caves, the excavation grounds of some truly terrifying remains and artefacts. And what at first seems a mere unpleasant encounter with insular, hostile country folk, and suspicions of a large scale drug operation, soon becomes the entry point to something vastly older and all-pervasive, an entanglement with an ancient pagan cult and prehistoric powers that prove inescapable.

Nevill, as ever, masterfully crosses the boundary from ordinary scares to cosmic terror. Apparitions of the Red Folk, descriptions of being lost in the pitch dark of the nightly sea and isolated trails build up to a crescendo of nigh incomprehensible nightmarish visions conjured up in pagan rituals that tears the grounds of safe reality from under the characters’ and readers’ feet, which left me gasping and swearing like a trooper over and over again.

The Reddening is Nevill’s Devon Wickerman, and under his spell you might well, like me, shrivel into Edward Woodward hollering a heartfelt, yet impotent “Jesus. Jesus Christ!”

For a sample, click here


Friday, August 11, 2017

Review: Under a Watchful Eye - Adam Nevill


 Adam Nevill is unpredictable. Unpredictable but never boring. He plays ball in all horror subgenres, and he plays it hard, merciless and oh so delightfully fucked up. And his prose is so stylish he makes the likes of James Herbert look positively infantile.

I’ve read Under a Watchful Eye twice (so far), simply because the horror in it is in places of such an uncanny, eerie dreamlike quality that stays with you less in what you saw but more how it made you feel, the way you wake from a nightmare, shaken and scattered by it all day but only able to remember snippets - probably just the tip of the iceberg wreaking havoc in your subconscious now. Which makes the book utterly re-readable, leaving you to discover new bits each time you touch base with it again.


You wouldn’t think a picturesque Devon seaside town would give you the heebie-jeebies as much as a dilapidated house rented out by apsycho live-in landlord in a poor part of Birmingham. But fear not – when successful writer Seb spots an oddly floating figure staring at him from a distance, one that looks unpleasantly familiar to someone he had escaped decades ago, the sunny beachfront soon turns into a creepy negative like the intro from Tales from the Darkside.
The figure keeps popping up in his path, out of thin air and coming closer and closer, just to disappear again, making Seb question his sanity. Until it appears in his drive, the disturbing figure of his uni housemate Ewan, a man so filthy and unkempt, Nevill’s description practically makes you gag, with no redeeming features whatsoever. He’s far from a hobo with a heart of gold – he displays delusions of grandeur and psychopathic traits and plants himself into Seb’s classy house like a human tick. You might wonder why Seb just doesn’t chuck him out – but once you’re exposed to the threat and mind-twisting manipulation he endures (paired, perhaps, with crippling Britishness) you feel as trapped as him. 

And not just that. With Ewan, things appear in the house. Things from another Arthur-Machenesque plane that followed him there and start stalking Seb, as well. Things so unspeakably horrible, images Nevill plants into your head like demonic seeds that will sickeningly blossom before your inner eye just as you turn off the lights. Lost creatures, barely human, in a nightmarish fog. Condemned spirits and souls lost in a hellish dimension after dabbling in a cult practicing astral projection. A cult that soon starts stalking Seb, as well. And Seb’s life begins to crumble as he desperately tries to find out what Ewan has let loose on him, that he needs to get involved with that cult in order to find a way to free himself of the demonic forces in his life, just to get entangled deeper and deeper, with no hope of any human forces to rescue him.
By the way, those who read Nevill’s privately published short story collection “Some will not sleep” (another absolutely unmissable, by the way) will recognise the characters from an equally fascinating and gag-inducing short story called “Yellow Teeth” – to me, one of the most disturbing one in the lot, and that’s a walk in the park compared to UWE - ; its title featuring as the name of a novel Seb produces in UWE after his harrowing experiences with Ewan and his ghastly entourage.

I swallowed that book in two sittings, leaving my eyes dry and my flesh creeping. The imagery is as haunting as scenes from recent paranormal films: put visions of Silent Hill together with the various Furthers and Upside Downs, flavoured with the spirit of Arthur Machen and Aleister Crowley, you’re getting there. Nevill induces that cosmic terror in you that he’s become famous for. That sense of spiralling out of control, with no reprieve and escape. Seb’s terror will infect your own bones and not let go. Word of advice: plan in a few recovery periods with Disney films to get through this experience with your sanity intact.

Highly recommended, easily the best horror of this year.



Sunday, November 06, 2016

Some will not sleep by Adam Nevill - review

A humble claim, I do declare. Because if my experience of Adam Nevill tales is anything to go by, rest  will be but a sweet and distant memory to you while your scared, dead tired body twitches with sleep-deprived hypersensitivity at every shadow and sound around you, your eyes bulge and strain in the dark and your terror prickles under your skin like electricity once you have tucked into this exquisite collection of horror appetizers.

Grotesque, eerie, nightmarish, cosmically terrifying… work your way through all the synonyms of the genre and it will just about cover what is on offer here. Some of the tales will remind you of his novels, but not in a rehashed way, but the way you’d greet old friends… friends who thought it funny to give you prank calls at 3am in a distorted voice, knowing you had just watched The Ring for the first time, friends who crawled down the stairs with their hair hung in their faces after you came home from the cinema to watch the Grudge, making gurgly noises at you. Friends you fondly recall, but frankly, at the time, you wanted to punch them in the face.

Ah, the joy of being scared out of your pants. Join our Dinner Party of Doom, and our butler Adam Nevill will be serving you these fine literary hors d’oeurvres with a cold, wicked, dead-eyed smile.


Some will not sleep by Adam Nevill - review

A humble claim, I do declare. Because if my experience of Adam Nevill tales is anything to go by, rest  will be but a sweet and distant memory to you while your scared, dead tired body twitches with sleep-deprived hypersensitivity at every shadow and sound around you, your eyes bulge and strain in the dark and your terror prickles under your skin like electricity once you have tucked into this exquisite collection of horror appetizers.

Grotesque, eerie, nightmarish, cosmically terrifying… work your way through all the synonyms of the genre and it will just about cover what is on offer here. Some of the tales will remind you of his novels, but not in a rehashed way, but the way you’d greet old friends… friends who thought it funny to give you prank calls at 3am in a distorted voice, knowing you had just watched The Ring for the first time, friends who crawled down the stairs with their hair hung in their faces after you came home from the cinema to watch the Grudge, making gurgly noises at you. Friends you fondly recall, but frankly, at the time, you wanted to punch them in the face.

Ah, the joy of being scared out of your pants. Join our Dinner Party of Doom, and our butler Adam Nevill will be serving you these fine literary hors d’oeurvres with a cold, wicked, dead-eyed smile.


Thursday, October 22, 2015

What's a lost child under the reign of King Death?

I’ve been a fan of Adam Nevill’s tales since Apartment 16 made me too chicken to switch off the lights at night. Since The Ritual made me obsessed with Scandinavian folklore and my Germanic  heritage demons that still haunted my mother (there’s a tale there). Since Banquet for the Damned created a discordant homage of twisted love to the dark beauty of St Andrews and the unfathomable horrors of a Lovecraftian mind. Since the cracked hands of my inner evil porcelain doll clapped enthustiastically to the Victorian horrors unfolding in House of Small Shadows.

So far Nevill has ticked all the boxes of my favourite kinds of fears.  It’s like he is an evil wizard pulling all my bad dreams out of my head like a rope of threadbare, rotten knotted handkerchiefs, twirling my demons like Mickey in a Fantasia directed by James Wan or John Carpenter. Only horror fans might appreciate that particular addictive (if not slightly masochistic) joy.

The paranormal is Nevill’s specialty, and I imagine it will always feature to some degree in his tales of doom. But there is a new side to him, which I can only describe as a modern Dickens. Last year, with the publication of No One Gets Out Alive, Nevill dealt with a modern horror that has touched too many of us: unaffordable housing and unstable jobs, leaving us in a poverty so grinding that we are at the mercy of rogue landlords. Nevill might have exaggerated it somewhat (although I have met people like Knacker McGuire, which makes this book all the more terrifying) – but there is illustration in exaggeration, and Nevill’s recent books have become sharp magnifying glasses pointed at contemporary societal ills, not instilling an indescribable horror but stirring up the familiar already there. He’s done poverty, the housing crisis and unregulated rental markets.


His latest, literally, goes more global. It’s not post-apocalyptic, it’s bang in the middle of it. Lost Girl is not just what some called a version of Liam Neeson’s Taken – though if you prefer to read it that way, you certainly can; it makes a damn fine thriller. But there’s more to it than just the Leeson meme we’ve all seen. Set in the near future, in a world that is increasingly crumbling under the effects of climate change in which man has gone past the point of no return – ecological disasters, food shortages and water rationing and the resulting mass migrations to escape their doom to not much more habitable areas – in a Great Britain that is collapsing under the strain of an apocalyptically hot summer, killing pensioners off like flies,  an ever-widening gap between the rich and poor, where only the rich can afford to get decent food and protection from an insane organised crime wave so infiltrated in society that the police is as effective as a cocktail umbrella in a super hurricane of lawlessness…  a global horror, a likely horror, a horror bound to happen if one just spins the yarn further from now, a horror along the lines of Soylent Green and The Death of Grass, just more brutal and more likely, where “year after year, decade after decade, always worsening, always leaving things changed after each crisis. The past is unrecoverable. Extinction is incremental. There is no science fiction. Advanced physics, inter-galactic travel, gadgets? An epic fantasy, the lot of it. There is only horror ahead of us now."
In this setting of despair, a family move to Devon from Birmingham to escape the constant flooding, to a quiet, still somewhat idyllic place where self-sufficiency protects them from the worst of the food shortages. And it is just then when they feel marginally safe, that their beautiful little daughter gets snatched out of their front garden in a moment of carelessness, and disappears.

Lost Girl must have been incredibly uncomfortable to write – I had to think of Stephen King’s discomfort with Pet Sematary.  While there are autobiographical elements (a family moving from Birmingham to Devon with their little daughter), the thought of getting your toddler daughter kidnapped from right under your care is every parent’s nightmare. Add to that happening in a world where you can’t expect help from anyone, the law is impotent, a half-hearted investigation is abandoned due to lack of manpower, and the forces you are up against are gigantic. It’s an exploration of the agonies of a father trying to find his child, not knowing whether she is alive or dead, or what horrors might have happened to her. It’s about the lengths he goes to, at the peril of everything he has and is, to save her.

What makes this tale so much better than bland old Taken is how deeply you get submerged into the father’s mind agonising to the brink of insanity with the grief, loss, worry and uncertainty over his daughter’s fate, and the horrific fantasies tormenting him. What adds to the intensity is that he remains unnamed, known only as “the father” through the entire book, making him akin to an archetype that anyone can identify with, where names don’t distract from the state of his soul. It gives it the eerie effect that made McCarthy’s The Road such a haunting read.
The father is not blessed with the skills and coldness of an ex-CIA man; obsessive research and the help of an anonymous agent aids him in tracking down the captors, but often he is tormented by his humanity cracking under the necessity of barbarity to elicit answers from the most callous and vicious agents of his daughter’s disappearance, people so immersed in a world of corruption and violence that the father’s attempts to be threatening at first seem laughable to them. The dilemma the father faces is that in order to save his daughter from the monsters, he has to become one himself. He has to risk losing his ability to be a good father and his own sense of self just to get his child back.

The twist at the end I really did not see coming.  I will not give much more away other than that is left open  like a wound in which an infinitesimally small glimmer of hope  is the only balm on offer – but in times of doom one is grateful to at least have that.
Lost Girl is a relentless study of grief, loss, not just of a loved one but of humanity in crisis. Nevill skilfully puts it in a setting that makes this tale both larger than life and just a mere anecdote in the sea of peril slowly swallowing our planet, a brief zooming in on an individual fate in a flood of many, a new take on awe-inspiring horror.

The almost prophetic descriptions of a vast refugee crisis (considering Nevill wrote this book before the current problems hit the papers) was almost spooky in its timeliness. And the vivid details of his story-weaving sucks you right out of this world into the one he is master of.


As with all of his books, I advise that you read it at your own risk. But at the same time, you will be glad you did. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

Sexy time with Chicken


Because fucken Facebook is quicker to remove a cat video with a song in it than it is to remove hate- and violence-inciting, racist and extremist groups, I shall upload this incredibly sexy video of Chicken making sweet love to my duvet here and just link to it. 

Thanks, Jamie!