Monday, September 13, 2004

Nerd Alert

Yeah, that's right.
Since I went back to high school years back, I couldn't help applying all I learned in school to my life, in some way. Of course, screw maths, I dunno who could apply that to anything!
What I mean is, I grab anything to try and make sense of my life...
And very often, my religious experiences. Filtering and sorting is my hobby, kinda, and I am sure my lecturers by now are sick and tired by my bringing religion into discussions. Heh.

So, anyways, postmodernism, if you ask me, is a great thing.
When I read Generation X, I was hooked, cos Coupland spoke about me, you know.
And I started reading up about postmodernism and post-evangelicalism, and again, it was like someone had written a book about me.

One feature of postmodernism is the open ending. There are no conclusions, and that is accepted for a fact.
What I find funny is that this awareness may be real, but that it never killed the longing to seek the opposite instead. I guess this is why I write. Maybe I want to come to conclusions. Structure is an invention, but I need structure in some way to not go insane, and yet I want to be free from it, ready to leave and learn something new.

Maybe that is what I like about Postmodernism as a mindset. You can learn but you don't have to settle with it. You are not trapped in a knowledge, you are always free to go. That is life for me. You start with the black and white basics and work yourself up to the fine details, until you get to the point that you lose the overview, but by then you have enough sense for the direction you're going that it doesn't matter.

And the meaning of life just comes to you in fragments, pieces full of hinting a truth that is too big to ever be understood by a human mind, that would blow your mind and your soul, so the pieces of the puzzle you get really just serve as a promise, as a hint, as the comfort to know there is something there, and you may not understand now, but you will at some point. You can clearly sense there is something there, but you just can't pull it all together.
And I find I don't have to know everything to function, but I can still keep striving and growing.
The truth comes to me in a jigsaw puzzle with an infinite number of pieces that I have to fit together the right way, to see the big picture, and all I have is a vague, blurry idea that I cannot put in words.
All the pieces only make complete sense when they are all put together, but until then I only have a promise. I will never put the whole thing together in my life. But the more pieces I find, the more motivated I get.

So I as a postmodern kid (hah!) acknowledge that truth as a whole can't be found in a lifetime, but that is only because we are unable to do so in the short time we live. We get versions of the truth that seem to clash because they are all filtered by our minds, and chopped to pieces, and viewed from angles instead as a whole, so that they seem completely different. Consider the main religions. All of them seem just aspects of one big thing, all of them have something to contribute, and you can see the similarities of concept even if they are formulated differently and put into different lights. We come to different conclusions because we draw them too early or because we over-focus on certain aspects of one thing while ignoring the other.

We can't access the truth because our minds are too small.

But that does not mean that the truth doesn't exist.