Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Children waiting for the day they feel good

Things are good in Pattyland (pattyland… sounds a bit like a cow pasture, doesn’t it?).
Yes. After the last posts, which I have put there with intensely mixed feelings, I have come to the conclusion that I don’t give a flying f*** whether people consider me a whiner. The truth that matters is that it has done me good. It is ugly, but I feel drained, cleansed, detoxed (if that is a word at all?), liberated.
I don’t know if I can put it to rest yet, but I feel definitely a lot closer to it.
There is always a bit of wormwood about, but I reckon that’s life for ya.

They say you are your best therapist, but I don’t think I could have faced all this without Jackson. I owe her a lot. Sadly, Jackson does not work at the student counselling anymore. I have no idea where she went, and the way it looks, she had no idea about the “change in staff policies” I was told about in the letter. I was offered a new counsellor, but I don’t really know if there is a point to it… starting from the beginning again. Today, I actually received a phone call from the counselling office, asking whether I'd want to meet up with H. again (yeah right!); she seems to be the only counsellor available. I wonder why. Ah the irony.

But at this point I daresay, I feel ok, so maybe there is no point in counselling. Things have improved a lot…less of the OCD, less depression, less nightmares. Probably disappointing for Milla… she always liked my psycho dreams ;).

So yes, things are good in Pattyland. Maybe there is such a thing as the Universal Balance ™, which is now swinging in my favour, because my housemates this year are without exception the sweetest, funniest bunch ever… I am in grave danger of neglecting my studies because I love hanging out with them so much.

There is Laura, who is easily one of the sweetest girls I have ever met, and just a joy to live with. None of the Bournemouth princess fashion victim attitude. All of the sweetness and fun. And she loves the Badger. She rules.

There is Adam, who is, like me, a huge film freak (we both love Jim Henson’s Storyteller!), and a brilliant artist, and a hilarious and sweet lad (he just brought me a cup of hot milk as I am writing this). We can walk down high street and quote South Park in Cartman voices for hours.

There is Alex, who is funny and likes winding people up but you can never get pissed off at him for it. He makes our house smell like the movies because he seems to live on popcorn, which is fine with me, as long as I can blag some ;).

And last but not least, there is Bhada (to hell with it, I still don't know how to spell his name!?!). Our landlords “found him”, and to be honest, we were all a bit worried to have someone move in that we don’t know at all. I mean, finding the right housemates is a bit like Russian roulette, like the famous box of chocolates.
But Fortuna must have smoked something, because she wore this big grin on her face in our favour when she found Bhada, who is incredibly funny and such a nice guy who fits into our house, like my dad puts it, like a butt on a bucket.

This place is like home now. We make each other food and coffee, we booze together, we go out together and have the greatest time. It is so lovely to come downstairs on an early morning and have, e.g., Laura stand there like (to quote Peter) an additional sunrise, asking sweetly “Would you care for coffee?”, or have dinner and/or sherry with Adam, in combination with an especially subversive South Park episode or internet cartoons that just people like us are unashamed to laugh about.

Other perhaps not so interesting to you but nonetheless sweet things of my life (you know it's kind of like showing a photo album that means so much to you to your friends, and they will be bored to tears because they actually don't know anyone in the pictures but nonetheless fake interest and smile while you guide them through about 100 pages worth of photos):

I finally got "Just a Geek" by Wil Wheaton. I haven't read it yet (and may have to save it for a Christmas break treat), but from initial browsing it looks like a terrific, recommendable read.

I really really really love the song "Mad World", performed by Gary Jules. It's one of the songs that touch my core.

I have realised a while ago that I have made some really good friends over here, and these days it has been reconfirmed. You know who you are. I feel home in Britain now. God have mercy on my soul ;).

Gonna hit the hay now cause I got a class at 9.

Good night!

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