Tuesday, December 07, 2004
In other news, should you be wondering why you haven't gotten anything for Christmas, it is because Santa fell out of his sleigh and got impaled on a metal post on the property of local Mr BillyBob Harper. Santa's little helpers rushed to the aid of their unlucky employer but could only watch as Mr Kringle deflated rapidly, bleeding to death in their arms. According to a press release given by Kringle, Inc., Mr Claus's last words were: "Tell the children... I'm sorry!"
The tragedy didn't end there, because Mr Harper confused Santa's little helpers with a gang of marauding burglars who had been haunting this neighborhood for a while. The height-challenged charity workers were found lynched and strung up on Mr Harper's front porch, assumedly to discourage further attempts of burglary. In an interview, Mr Harper showed no remorse: "They was invading mah property! I did only mah duty as an American citizen. For all ah know, them could've been terrorists! That will teach that Saddam bin Laden!" The funerals of Mr Kringle and his employees will be only accessible for their closest families and friends. However, a public memorial service will be held on Christmas Eve, commemorating Mr Kringle's service to mankind, which would have entered its 2005th year. Mr Kringle is survived by Mrs Kringle, and the reindeer Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.
Posted by Yours Truly at 20:33