Thursday, December 01, 2005

For the better or worse

Went to the doc this morning and had my prescription changed. Goodbye Prozac, you betraying cunt. Hello Citalopram. May your side effects be those of permanent weight loss, and not the cocktease weight loss Prozac gave me (i.e. lose shitloads, flip, go shopping for all those sexy little things, and then find out 6 months later you have grown back to your old whale size, while almost brandnew tiny clothes hang in your wardrobe and mock you. Mock you oh so much.)

Needless to say, there shall be the fun task of reviewing the side effects. Can things get possibly worse for the miserable ovoid creature?

"Feeling or being sick, indigestion, tummy ache, diarrhoea, constipation, loss of appetite and weight loss or increase in appetite and weight gain, dry mouth or increase in saliva production, nervousness, anxiety (worry), headache, insomnia (difficulty sleeping), shakiness, dizziness, weakness, seeing things that aren't real, drowsiness, discharge from the nipples, sexual problems, sweating, movements of the body without control from the patient, a fast or fluttering heartbeat, coughing, yawning, confusion, difficulty concentrating, difficulty remembering things, skin rashes, muscle pain, pins and needles, problems with eyesight, problems with taste, a sore or runny nose, ringing in the ears or problems urinating (passing water)."

So that means I'll possibly and temporarily become a drooling, sweating, over- or undereating twitching freaked out ditzy hallucinating frigid semi-blind snotty-nosed vampire who leaks from the nipples, pisses like an old man and shits like after a week-long beer festival.

Not a lot of changes then.

Doesn't that give the American dream of the pursuit of happiness a whole new meaning?

Man, maybe suicide is the better option.

No comments: