Saturday, January 21, 2006

Britain's most favourite swearword

There are a few things that will teach you how to swear. Driving. Especially with an arsehole in front of you who seems to have acquired his license from a car boot sale.
Hitting a hammer on your thumb.
Grabbing a hot bacon tray out of the oven without using a glove (which I have repeatedly done).
Or going to university. A British one, in particular. Stand in the queue of the student shop, or in the refectory, or even the library, and every second word you'll hear is a profanity.
"For fuck's sake, I bought this fuckin bird a fuckin drink after the fuckin other, and all she fuckin let me do is grab her fuckin tits even though I fucking wanted to fuck the fuck out of her fuckin fanny."
Oh that was so vulgar, that even made me cringe. I am sorry mom. Anyway, I guess the point has been made. Nowadays even the queen swears, it seems.
As I said, the Brits know their shit about swearing.
And one of the easiest ways for a comedian to break into his student audience is to swear a lot. And talk about swearing. Last Wednesday was no exception. This comedian at some point decided that he wanted all of us to shout out our favourite swearword. The options were open, and everyone practically glowed in anticipation.
And so I thought, should I be controversial? And shout it? As a *gasp* girl? What if everyone else says 'bollocks' or 'arse' or 'fuck'? And I am the only one hollering that word? There will be dead silence and everyone is gonna stare and the comedian is gonna pick on me.
But then I thought, with all the neckbreaking bravery a pint of Carling could provide, fuck it, and the comedian said: "OK then, by the count of three. I want to hear it. I want you all to say it! One...two... THREE!"

And with the force of unison that would have made the Fuehrer proud, the whole audience, myself included, shouted

It was glorious. It was the shortest symphony in history.
I used to think that 'cunt' is the most horrible word that has ever rolled across the human tongue. (Well, to be honest, I find the German version of it much worse, and no, I will not tell you, so don't ask!)
But really, what's in a word other than ascribed meaning, weight, and a few randomly arranged letters? Do a bit of linguistics, and nothing shocks you anymore. At least not verbally.
Can four letters really offend? Especially since everyone seems to love it so much?
I should get a Tshirt. FCUK is so over.
Maybe we should try CNUT.
Hm... somehow that doesn't seem to work.

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