Hitting a hammer on your thumb.
Grabbing a hot bacon tray out of the oven without using a glove (which I have repeatedly done).
Or going to university. A British one, in particular. Stand in the queue of the student shop, or in the refectory, or even the library, and every second word you'll hear is a profanity.
"For fuck's sake, I bought this fuckin bird a fuckin drink after the fuckin other, and all she fuckin let me do is grab her fuckin tits even though I fucking wanted to fuck the fuck out of her fuckin fanny."
Oh that was so vulgar, that even made me cringe. I am sorry mom. Anyway, I guess the point has been made. Nowadays even the queen swears, it seems.
As I said, the Brits know their shit about swearing.
And one of the easiest ways for a comedian to break into his student audience is to swear a lot. And talk about swearing. Last Wednesday was no exception. This comedian at some point decided that he wanted all of us to shout out our favourite swearword. The options were open, and everyone practically glowed in anticipation.
And so I thought, should I be controversial? And shout it? As a *gasp* girl? What if everyone else says 'bollocks' or 'arse' or 'fuck'? And I am the only one hollering that word? There will be dead silence and everyone is gonna stare and the comedian is gonna pick on me.
But then I thought, with all the neckbreaking bravery a pint of Carling could provide, fuck it, and the comedian said: "OK then, by the count of three. I want to hear it. I want you all to say it! One...two... THREE!"
And with the force of unison that would have made the Fuehrer proud, the whole audience, myself included, shouted